Strong emotions

I watched a foreign movie yesterday entitled "Osama". Nope - not about Bin Laden. Although it was set in Afghanistan and was about his buddies, The Taliban. It was about a woman trying to feed her mother, her daughter, and herself in a world where women aren't allowed to work or speak to anyone outside their families or go out without a male companion. She has her daughter dress like a boy so she can work. The daughter (who is called Osama as a boy) gets dragged off to the boys school and is forced to "learn" how to bathe her male genitals (hidden behind a piece of fabric). Later she gets stuck in a tree after the boys tease her because they believe she's a girl. The teacher hangs her inside a well from the back of her tunic. When they bring her up, they see that she's started her cycle and discover that she's a girl. She's thrown in prison with all the other "bad" women. In the end the headmaster of the school pleads for her life (yes, they would have killed her) and as a reward, the judge gives her to the headmaster as a wife. The movie ends after he comes home, has her pick out her own lock (the women are locked in their rooms each night and in the house all day), and then forces the wedding night on her.

My heart was broken because I knew how real this was. I've become more and more aware of the pain that women in this world suffer at the hands of ignorant men; men who have been taught by tradition and/or religion that women are not their equals. I feel so impotent to make a difference but I feel I must try. I don't know how yet but I know I must do something. Since I began my study of photography, I've known that I wanted to use it to bring light to those who are suffering. My concentration at first was in Africa. I want to go to the Congo, Rwanda, Somalia, etc. so that I can show the world what is happening. Now I see that it's everywhere. Will photography be enough? I don't know. I will be meditating on this so I can find the answer for my soul. Women who are oppressed need to understand that others care and are willing to help.

Weekends

Zach's coming home for the weekend. We've had overnight visits for a few weeks now. They are going ok. It's been hard on Nicole though. She's used to the quiet that we've had for the past 8 months and now a noisy 13 yr. old is in her space again. It's going to be an adjustment for her. She and I spend a lot more time together while he's home. I think she uses my room as a refuge from the noise and mess. We all start family therapy next week so I'm hoping we can begin to find ways of peacefully coexisting in our home. I know we all need to compromise in order to make this work. And I so want it to work. I miss my boy.

New musings

Well, school is underway and things are going quite well. Until the power surge yesterday that is. First I saved a computer file onto my flash drive during my Computer Graphics class. I brought it home and worked on it over the weekend in a trial version of the software. What I downloaded was 2 versions ahead of the school's so the file wouldn't open when I got there. Then, I started from scratch and was doing so much better than the first attempt. It's Corel Draw and I'm not familiar with it plus we're copying a picture of a train engine (not easy). So I take break half way through class and save my file to the desktop. I come back and start to work again and boom - there goes the power. When I finally got my computer turned back on (had to unplug it before it would cooperate), the file was gone. The school has them set up to wipe out any files not installed by them when the computer is rebooted. Oh, lucky day. So here I am with nothing and it's 20 minutes before the class ends. Thankfully, the prof. saw me working and knows what I had done. But still. :~(

Nicole is loving her college class. She's taking Music Fundamentals which teaches how to read and write sheet music. Zach is taking a class back at the mainstream school and he is loving it too. Unfortunately he has a crappy reputation and some guys caused some crap for him already but it was straightened out with the vice principal. So school is good for all of us.

My weight is slipping away. I'm under 180 pounds. I haven't been this low since my pregnancy with Zach. I'm so excited and I feel so good. I ran into friends at a fundraiser a week ago and they hadn't seen me in 8 - 10 months (i.e., before the surgery). They couldn't believe the difference. I look good. I haven't felt that I did in a long time. Life is getting better and better.

New photos

This past fall, I was signed up to do an independent study in photography of landscapes. It was to be self-directed. I found it impossible to get into the darkroom to develop film or make prints so I dropped it. I finally went to a local camera shop and dropped of 7 rolls of film to be processed that I had shot in hopes of completing the study. I picked them up this weekend. A few of the shots really blew me away. I was using two different cameras; a standard 35mm SLR by Olympus and an antique medium format camera by Yashica. The photo to the left is from the Yashica. A friend of mine has a vacation home on Mason Island which is off the coast of Mystic, CT. She walks a lot on Elder Island (which is next to Mason) at a monastic retreat. The place is absolutely beautiful. A lot of the shots I took there came out fabulous. I am really happy with the results and wish I had taken the time to work them myself. I now have 5" x 5" prints instead of 10" x 10" which I would prefer. This one is a covered patio on the grounds of the monastery. I loved the look of the table and chairs and the shading. More photos can be found at http://community.webshots.com/user/kimmer60 along with hundreds of other pictures of local areas and my artwork. I hope you have a chance to stop by.

New Year's Eve in NoHo

Nicole, Lisa, and I spent a few hours last night in Northampton for the First Night Celebration. We walked all over the place and did a lot of window shopping. At 6:15PM, the city started the fireworks display. We weren't in the best location for viewing but we got the gist of it. I took a lot of photos but with my film camera instead of my digital. When the photos are developed and if they look good, I'll post a few. It was so fun to do something out of the ordinary. I haven't been out on New Year's Eve in probably close to 20 years. We were home early but I felt like I'd celebrated a little. It felt good. Lisa loved it. She's not that familiar with Northampton so it was quite the experience for her. She's a very traditional person and Northampton is anything but (which is one of the reasons Nicole and I like it so much).

I really want to move there. Last night was like walking in Greenwich Village. The atmosphere is similar and the streets were full of people. So many of the theaters were open and having performances plus we came across numerous street performers. One group was doing a stomp dance. That was so cool. I hope those photos come out. I took pictures of a man playing a steel drum too. His music was so good. We also listened to a man with sax playing Auld Lang Syne. The air was cool but without a breeze so it was tolerable. We had a really good time. Northampton is where I want to be.

Happy New Year!

I am sitting here on New Years Day in New England without a flake of snow anywhere. It's raining, not snowing. Global warming has become really apparent to me lately. We've only had one little flurry of flakes so far. This is not normal. The temperature has been much higher than usual too. I think it's time for action. I'm trying to do what I can to reduce, reuse, and recycle. I'm driving a small car but it's gas mileage isn't what I want. Unfortunately, I can't afford to buy a new vehicle right now but when I do, I'm going for a hybrid. After watching Al Gore's documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth", I feel compelled to do something. If we don't, I will one day have ocean front property. Now it's not that I don't want a beach house, it's that I don't want it in Western Massachusetts. I'd hate to see Connecticut and Rhode Island wiped off the map by polar cap melting.

Speaking of other movies that raise our consciousness, I am in love with "The Secret". I've been attuned to this idea for a while now and this movie brought it home for me. I am working to be more mindful of the ideas and thoughts I allow to head out into the Universe. I like "What the Bleep Do We Know" too. I was watching that last night when I feel asleep (before midnight). The piece about Mr. Masaru Emoto's work with water crystals is amazing. I've taped a piece of paper to my Brita pitcher that says my favorite word: NAMASTE. I read an interview with him in the latest issue of Science of Mind. He talked about exposing water to that word and how beautiful the crystals were afterward. In the movie, one character says something to Marlee Matlin's about if words can do that to one crystal, imagine what it could do to the human body that is 70% (or more) water. Later after ranting at herself and saying hateful things about her own body, she remembers and then takes a makeup pencil so she can write loving things on herself and draw hearts. It was a powerful image and idea.

So my wish for the world is an awakening; awakening to the love that surrounds us and the beauty the world holds. I pray that we all remember we are ONE. With an open heart and mind, we can see past the differences and be united by the similarities. This is my one true dream for humanity.

Peace Pagoda pictures

The Holidays

Here they are - the reason I shop in December. Yes, that is our sad Charlie Brown tree. I just didn't have the energy to do a big one this year and the kids didn't care so all was well. The best part is that I can put it away full decorated and it'll be even easier next year. Aren't I lazy??

Nicole and Zach both had a really enjoyable holiday. Niki was sick in the morning of Christmas Eve so she took the day off from Circuit City. Thankfully all she needed was some rest. She had been working her tail off for the past few weeks along with going to school full-time. I'm glad the holiday shopping season is over. I am so tired of driving to the mall. She has to get her license and a car.

My professors are taking their dear sweet time in posting final grades. I only have one in so far. I got an "A" in Environmental Science. That's a relief. I knew I had done well in the lab but the teacher for the lecture portion hadn't been posting grades so I didn't really know where I was at. I guess I was doing better than I thought. Cool!

So I'm looking forward to 2007 and working on my Bachelor's. I'm making use of my new easel and homasote. I've got another intuitive drawing in process. They are so fun. Here's an example from my final:

Musings

I'm sitting here listening to a woman, Launa Kleiver, read from Rudolf Steiner's Calendar of the Soul. My sweet cat, Myst, is sleeping on the desk beside me, snoring just a little. I reflect on this time of year with a grateful heart. I attended my last class at Holyoke Community College yesterday. I have two finals next Wednesday and my education there will be done. So will my job at the campus art gallery. These are sad transitions for me but I am excited as well to begin the next chapter of my educational adventure.

In January, I begin work on my BA in Art at Westfield State College. I'll be taking two core classes and two studio art classes. It will be a busy semester. The core classes are Intro to Computer Programming (a math alternative) and Women in Modern Organizations (US Diversity). My art classes are Computer Graphics and Electronic Publication Design. They will sustain me as I stumble through the other two. I'm sure I'll do well in all of them but the art classes are what interest me. A couple more core classes and it will be all art classes for me. I can't wait.

I'll be posting some photos in a few days of a beautiful place in Leverett, MA. It's called the Peace Pagoda. Nicole and I went there in October (and I've only just now gotten the film developed). It is one of the most serene and gentle places I've ever been. I could download a low res copy from Snapfish but I'd rather scan them myself at a higher resolution so it'll be a couple days before they come in. I'm anxious to share. Have a great day!

Good things are happening

School is beginning to wind down. I am done with this semester in one month. That means, provided there are no complications, I graduate with an A.S. in Visual Arts/Photography in January. I have ambivalent feelings about this. On one hand, I am so excited to get this degree. I have worked hard for it. On the other hand, I am leaving my educational home. I am registered at a four year school beginning in January. I have my classes scheduled; Computer Graphics 1, Electronic Publication Media, Major British Writers, and Women in Modern Organizations. Getting registered for classes was an exercise in persistence. The Universe wanted to know if I was serious and gave me quite a few challenges. I am happy to report that I overcame each and every one.

Zach got his first report card of the year. He had all A's with one exception; it was a B+. I think I can handle that. He and I had our first "community" visit last weekend. It was so nice to be able to be with him out of that house and away from all those other kids and staff. He and I really enjoyed it. He's home Thursday from 10AM to 8PM. It's also his birthday in addition to Thanksgiving. He's going to be 13. I bought him a new Playstation 2 and his father got him Guitar Hero II which is a game for it. The game comes with a guitar and the game plays like DDR. It's pretty cool because the songs in are really good - lots of old rock.

Nicole started her first job this week. She's at Circuit City as a sales associate. I am so proud of her. She put in a lot of hours over the weekend and even 5 hours last night. She's doing so well. Her birthday is Friday. She's going to be 18. How did my baby get to be 18? She was just a 2 lb 9.5 oz preemie yesterday. It's so inspiring to see the beautiful woman she's becoming from such a difficult beginning. She's also an A student this year (just like last year). She's handling the breakup with her boyfriend really well. I am so proud of her and Zach too. They are both doing so well and growing up so wonderfully.

I'm cooking Thursday which should be interesting since I won't be able to eat much of it; a couple bits of potatoes and a little stuffing. Forget the birthday cakes. Actually, Zach wants banana cream pie instead of a cake but Nicole wants cake. She's a traditional girl. I've lost over 60 pounds so far and am still adjusting to my new stomach. It still gets finicky at times. I'm learning what can and can't have the hard way. It's all worth it. I feel fantastic and I think I'm looking pretty good right now. I do want to lose another 50 pounds though. In the end, life just keeps getting better.