Jesus Land

My class on Women's Studies in Religion required we read this book. It is a powerful story of how the evangelical can be cruel to their children. The author was sent to a "Christian" reform school with her adopted brother where they were treated like slaves. This school is still open. It's scary that it is allowed to physically and emotionally hurt teenagers without government intervention.

The truly scary part was the similarities I could see to the program my son is in. I'm am so anxious to get him home. He's not being abused but he's not allowed to voice his own opinions or to stand up for himself against false accusations by the staff members. If he opens his mouth, he's immediately put on restriction for a day or two. I've been able to tell them how wrong I feel that is but to no avail. My opinion is not taken into consideration. They have their rules and I am out of the loop so to speak because DSS has custody of him. What I see as the same is the need to strip these adolescents of their individuality.

I feel that our culture, especially the public school system, propagates this. They work to make all the pegs round to fit any hole. My children are very definately square and don't fit those holes. I am so proud of them. They are unique; Nicole more so than Zach. Zach is more social so fitting in is more important to him but he still wants to be his own person. They are going to be amazing adults. I'm so fortunate to be their mother and I'm looking forward to watching them grow and mature. I know each will make their mark on this world.

Saturday morning musings

It's a beautiful sunny spring day after a Nor'easter storm that never materialized. I'm glad. I wasn't in the mood for shoveling. It was an easy winter that way. My global consciousness side was not happy about that but my tired, New England self was glad. It's a dichotomy that I struggle with. Maybe I should move to a warmer climate and then I can bitch about how warm the winters are becoming without guilt. The kids and I have been talking moving to the San Francisco area. Me for the spiritual and artistic community, the kids for the educational opportunities. Do we have the courage to follow through? It's not a question that I have to answer until I graduate so I've some time to contemplate it.

I am now a senior now but I have about 18 classes to take before I graduate. Thankfully most of them are art classes (computer and studio) so they will be fun at least. I'm hoping to take painting and pottery this summer. It'll depend on financial aid. It'll help me finish sooner if I can. I will be trying to take classes during summer and winter sessions. I love college but I am getting ready for it to be done. I've been taking classes since Sept. 2004 and I am not going to graduate until May 2009 so it's a long bachelor's degree. But so worth it. I am enjoying my computer art classes so much so I know I made the right choice of majors. Photoshop is so cool and so is Illustrator. I love playing in them. I just learned how to merge parts of photos together and how to alter the elements of a photograph. I found a website with screen shots from different Myst games so I downloaded a couple and put Nicole in them. It's fun!

In other aspects of my life, I have now lost 82 pounds!! I feel so much better. Only one little problem; sagging skin. I worried about this before the surgery and was hopeful that it would be horrible. Well, it's not horrible but it's not pretty either. My lower abdomen is looking pretty sad. I don't know if my insurance will take care of a tummy tuck. Unless my surgeon can find a medical reason. I see him in June so I'll find out then. I'm not sure I want another surgery but I want to look as good as I feel. Can they do that to my thighs and upper arms?? I'm sure they could but I'm really sure that the insurance won't cover those. I'm healthier - that's all that really matters at this point. It's just my vanity.

I'm off to work at the campus art gallery today. The artist, Ronald Trent Anderson, will be taking down his pieces when we close. I love meeting local artists as well as being in an atmosphere of art culture. It's the best way to earn money. Well, selling my art would be better but I'll take this for now.