I have been accepted into the MFA program for Graphic Design at the Academy of Art University in San Francisco, CA. The program is offered completely online so I don't even have to leave home to take classes. Although . . . I am thinking I'd love to go out there for a semester or two. I'm so tired of Western Massachusetts. I believe it is time for a change in my life - a big one. Zach is what keeps me from really being able to make this decision. I have so many support and medical services in place for him and I worry about disrupting that.
He's all for the idea of packing up and moving across country but I know he's not thinking of his therapy, medications, and educational needs so I have to. It sucks to be the responsible one all the time - well, sometimes. I love being their mother and I really enjoy helping them grow to adulthood. I just wish someone else would take on some of the decision making responsibilities once in a while. But that is not going to happen so I have to pony-up and keeping doing what I'm doing.
Nicole is at school picking up her stuff. Last Friday was her last day of school. She is so excited and I am so happy for her. She has overcome so many challenges that would have defeated a lesser person. She's kicked her mental health disorders in the butt and succeeded in spite of them. I am so proud of her. She graduates on June 6th and I will be clapping the loudest that day. She refuses to allow her father to come because she feels he will embarass her. She may be right. I'm staying out of it. She's 19 and can make that choice without my input. He wants to have a party for her and she is not inclined to accept. To her, he's just DNA in her veins. He has no one to blame but himself. He even blew Zach off this weekend and he hasn't hung out with him since Easter. The man is going to alienate both his children if he doesn't grow up soon. I don't expect that happen however. Zach will become as disgusted with him as his sister as David's behavior remains the same. It's hard to forgive myself for the mistake of marrying and having children with that man. I apologize to my children all the time but it hasn't really lessened the guilt and regret. I'm working on it with my therapist though.
So in the meantime, I'm going to focus on the good things happening our lives; my continued education and Nicole's successes. Zach's a work in progress right now. He's 14 so life is sticky. He's so talented though. I hope he can get past this adolescent crap without too much trouble and become the amazing man I know he's capable of.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
AHA thoughts
I was reading a quick little inspirational email this morning and from it I realized something; major religions tout that human beings should love our neighbors as ourselves. What if we are? What if the troubles in this world lies in the fact that "we" absolutely hate ourselves? Maybe it's not hate but it sure isn't terribly close to anything like love. More like a resigned acceptance or tolerance.
So then, if we don't value our own lives, our own worth, wouldn't it be easy to drop a bomb on someone else's neighborhood or shot them or steal their food? Doesn't it then feel like it's all about "me"? I have to make sure I have enough and to hell with everyone else.
But when I accept my wonderfulness, I can see it in my neighbor. I can see that person as someone as deserving of good as I am. "They" become "me". Their needs are every bit as important as mine. So I'm thinking we need to begin when children are very young to begin teaching them about their own divinity so they can accept every one's divinity. I'm not sure how we do that. It's a huge task but one that is so important. In this largely patriarchal society, children have the fabulousness driven out of them by their parents, by the educational system, by their faith community. It has to stop. We have to teach them about loving themselves so they can love others and bring that love to all they do.
The other thought I had was about how the human race has abused Mother Earth. It struck me that we are Her cancer, the growth that continues to destroy Her. We are what She needs to heal from. Like a cancer, we started out slow and small but then suddenly, with an amazing speed, we began to spread and destroy everything in our path. We are insidious.
Again, how do we fix this? How do we get this message to the masses so that we can start healing Mother Earth, who gives us everything we need. We are not able to survive without Her so how do we do this? I feel it is imperative that we move on this now. We do need to teach the children but that won't be enough. We have to get the adults in on the act immediately. I'm seeing my path as I write this. It is time for me personally to take action. I hope if you resonant with these ideas that you too will do something about it. I'll post again when I discover how to best carry these messages forward.
So then, if we don't value our own lives, our own worth, wouldn't it be easy to drop a bomb on someone else's neighborhood or shot them or steal their food? Doesn't it then feel like it's all about "me"? I have to make sure I have enough and to hell with everyone else.
But when I accept my wonderfulness, I can see it in my neighbor. I can see that person as someone as deserving of good as I am. "They" become "me". Their needs are every bit as important as mine. So I'm thinking we need to begin when children are very young to begin teaching them about their own divinity so they can accept every one's divinity. I'm not sure how we do that. It's a huge task but one that is so important. In this largely patriarchal society, children have the fabulousness driven out of them by their parents, by the educational system, by their faith community. It has to stop. We have to teach them about loving themselves so they can love others and bring that love to all they do.
The other thought I had was about how the human race has abused Mother Earth. It struck me that we are Her cancer, the growth that continues to destroy Her. We are what She needs to heal from. Like a cancer, we started out slow and small but then suddenly, with an amazing speed, we began to spread and destroy everything in our path. We are insidious.
Again, how do we fix this? How do we get this message to the masses so that we can start healing Mother Earth, who gives us everything we need. We are not able to survive without Her so how do we do this? I feel it is imperative that we move on this now. We do need to teach the children but that won't be enough. We have to get the adults in on the act immediately. I'm seeing my path as I write this. It is time for me personally to take action. I hope if you resonant with these ideas that you too will do something about it. I'll post again when I discover how to best carry these messages forward.
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