College is coming

Nicole is leaving two weeks from today for college. I'm both excited and apprehensive. She's my first baby. How can she possibly be old enough to leave home? Ah, but she is. I think I'm ready. I know she is. So is Zach.

My classes start just after Labor Day. I will officially be a grad student, working toward a MFA in Graphic design. Again, I'm both excited and apprehensive. What if I suck?? I'm breathing through the panic.

The good news/bad news for the past week or two is that I had an accident that I was at fault in. It was just a fender bender for the guy I hit. My car on the other hand got crunched. I don't have collision coverage on my insurance because the car is 11 years old. So. . . I'm getting a new car. I am going to lease a 2008 Nissan Altima. Still excited and apprehensive. I haven't had a car payment in 5 years. It's going to be an adjustment but well worth it. It's time I had a reliable car again. Prizmata has seen her better days leave and now she needs a rest. I should be picking it up tomorrow afternoon. Only one problem - I can't find the title to my car and I'm using it as a trade on the Altima. Hopefully they'll wait for the replacement.

Vacation

I forgot to post about our vacation to Noank, CT. It was amazing. The best part was the day trip we took to Newport, RI. I have a new favorite place in the world. Here's a pic or two.

She's home

Nicole is back from Ohio. The train was late so I ended up waiting for about 1.5 hours last night picking her up. She had a good time but started right up with the bitching about her brother. I really do think it's time for her to go to college. She has a chance to spend 4 or 5 days up at MCLA in a Leadership Academy. It's worth it to me to pay the $150 to give her some more time away from Zach. Seems like a good move.

While she was gone, I was able to do some cleaning downstairs in the rec room where she had been living for a few years. My daughter is not the cleanest person on this planet. It was overwhelming but I'm glad I was able to get rid of what I was able to accomplish. I had old furniture taken away along with an old water heater. It felt so good to have these large pieces removed from our space. I want to continue with the purging. It's a weight lifted off me as the unneeded items leave.

Nicole's in Ohio

My beautiful daughter left for her very first solo trip last Friday. She took Amtrak to Cleveland to visit a friend before school starts. It was hard to let her go but with her being 19, I didn't really have a choice. But it was hard. I was scared for her. At the same time, I went to Florida by myself when I was 17 so I knew I had to trust that she was wise enough to be able to protect herself from the predators of the world and she is. I know this. I'm still looking forward to seeing her safely step off the train back here at home. Protective mom much??

She did it!!

Nicole graduated Friday morning on the beautiful campus of Smith College in Northampton, MA. It rained but that didn't dampen the spirits of the graduates. It was a fantastic day. She earned another scholarship and was the top of her class. How cool is that??

Yesterday I found out I was awarded two scholarships for graduate school totaling $1500 and have been offered an interest free loan of $3000. That covers my first semester. If I keep this up, maybe I can finish my MFA without a shit load of debt. Now that would be amazing.

Grad School

I have been accepted into the MFA program for Graphic Design at the Academy of Art University in San Francisco, CA. The program is offered completely online so I don't even have to leave home to take classes. Although . . . I am thinking I'd love to go out there for a semester or two. I'm so tired of Western Massachusetts. I believe it is time for a change in my life - a big one. Zach is what keeps me from really being able to make this decision. I have so many support and medical services in place for him and I worry about disrupting that.

He's all for the idea of packing up and moving across country but I know he's not thinking of his therapy, medications, and educational needs so I have to. It sucks to be the responsible one all the time - well, sometimes. I love being their mother and I really enjoy helping them grow to adulthood. I just wish someone else would take on some of the decision making responsibilities once in a while. But that is not going to happen so I have to pony-up and keeping doing what I'm doing.

Nicole is at school picking up her stuff. Last Friday was her last day of school. She is so excited and I am so happy for her. She has overcome so many challenges that would have defeated a lesser person. She's kicked her mental health disorders in the butt and succeeded in spite of them. I am so proud of her. She graduates on June 6th and I will be clapping the loudest that day. She refuses to allow her father to come because she feels he will embarass her. She may be right. I'm staying out of it. She's 19 and can make that choice without my input. He wants to have a party for her and she is not inclined to accept. To her, he's just DNA in her veins. He has no one to blame but himself. He even blew Zach off this weekend and he hasn't hung out with him since Easter. The man is going to alienate both his children if he doesn't grow up soon. I don't expect that happen however. Zach will become as disgusted with him as his sister as David's behavior remains the same. It's hard to forgive myself for the mistake of marrying and having children with that man. I apologize to my children all the time but it hasn't really lessened the guilt and regret. I'm working on it with my therapist though.

So in the meantime, I'm going to focus on the good things happening our lives; my continued education and Nicole's successes. Zach's a work in progress right now. He's 14 so life is sticky. He's so talented though. I hope he can get past this adolescent crap without too much trouble and become the amazing man I know he's capable of.

I did it!!

Here I am at my college graduation on Saturday. It was the culmination of so many years of dreaming and then putting my energy into doing. I went back to school in the fall of 2004 and on 5/17/08, I became the holder of a Bachelor's degree in Art. The dreaming started in June of 1978 and here, some thirty years later, is the final result. As the Universe would have it, I was accepted into a MFA program for Graphic Design and begin in Sept. This is beyond what I had envision for myself on the day of my high school graduation. But it's here and I am going to revel in it.

Education

Nicole got a letter from MCLA this past week with the details of her financial aid for the coming academic year. Between her scholarships and grants, her entire education is going to be paid for. It does include work study but that will be more spending money for her. We are both thrilled and relieved and incredibly excited. She's going to do fabulous things with her life and this is just the beginning.

Meanwhile, I got a letter from WSC advising me that the Art Dept. had nominated me for an academic honor. I'll be receiving it tomorrow at a banquet. Nicole is going to go to campus with me even though I have class first. I told my professor that I need to leave early so I'll take the test, pass in my project, and then go to the banquet. I also bought my cap and gown this past week. It's all coming together. Now I just have to get my application for grad school in. I've decided to try for the Academy of Art University in San Francisco, CA. They offer a M.A. in Graphic Design online. I need to work on my portfolio. That will be important to the application process. It will really help if I can graduate Magna Cum Laude though. I'm on target for it. Goddess willing...

Skinner Mountain

Nicole and I went hiking yesterday. We climbed Skinner Mountain from the base to the summit. I did a lot of whining but I made it to the top. Here's one of the photos I took when I got there. It took us almost an hour to get from up there but it was so worth the hike. Truly, we could have driven but that wouldn't have been any fun, right?? Well, that's what my daughter tells me. I really am glad that I hiked it. It gave me a wonderful sense of accomplishment and the view seemed sweeter because I'd exerted myself to get there to see it.

The mountain sits in Hadley, MA so we were able to UMASS Amherst from the top. We also had a bird's eyeview of the CT River winding its way through the Pioneer Valley. The trees aren't in bloom yet so we were really able to see so much more. What a beautiful view!

The Finale

It's here. I am amazed. I have received notice from the registar's office that I am graduating next month. After graduating high school in 1978, I have wanted a B.A. and on May 17th, I will be receiving one - finally. It has been a long time coming and I have worked so hard. If my grades stay up, I'll be graduating Magna Cum Laude and I am so proud of myself. I'm receiving an academic honor from the Art Dept. next Tuesday at a banquet on campus. So many good things have happened this year and I am just in awe. It is all finally coming together.

I've even found a grad school that offers graphic design classes online. It's incredibly expensive so we'll have to take it one class at a time but I so glad I found it. Now I just have to get accepted. Oh happy day!

Even Nicole has gotten great news - she was accepted into the college she wanted to go to and they've offered her a four year $2k academic scholarship. I didn't even know public school did that. I'm so proud of her and happy for her. Her graduation is two weeks after mine. We are both so psyched for each other.