College

The new semester has begun. I have a full course load and I'm worried. I love the challenge college offers but at the same time, it can be so overwhelming. My art history class is going to be tough. I'm just wanting to get through it. I have a photo art history class also. That will really keep my attention. I love photos. I have photojournalism right after it and have Frank Ward for the first time. He's a very engaging teacher. We did a photo shot the other day. He was being paid to shot a new employee on campus so the class was able to go along with him and take our own shots. I took 30 and I hope to get at least one or two that are decent. My tripod broke so I had to hold my camera. I also don't have a professional flash so I had to use the one my camera came with. I took the shots both with and without the flash to increase the chance that I'd get a good one. I'm anxious to develop the film to see how it came out. The last class I have is Basic Design II with Amy's ex-boyfriend. We'll be working with color and paint so it should be good.

In the meantime, I'm looking for a college to transfer to next January when I graduate from HCC. I could transfer now since I just graduated from STCC but I want the AS in Visual Arts. My degree from STCC is in Business Admin and that's not where I want to be. I'm looking at the Univ. of Hartford - Hartford Art School, Smith College, and UMASS. I can't go far since I'm tethered to my children and my house. I could rent out the house but not the kids so driving distance it is.

I'm so amazed at myself. I finished that degree. I started my college education at STCC in January 1979 as a very scared 18 year old girl. I had no idea where I was headed or what I wanted. No, that's not true. I wanted to party and I wanted to be loved. I spent the next 22 years pursuing both. I didn't accomplish the college education and I didn't find my one true love. I did have two fabulous kids (most of the time) and become an alcoholic. A true underachiever. Well, I'm still a mom but now I'm almost 5 years sober. I had stopped 2 courses shy of the degree after starting and stopping so many times. This time I pushed on. I looked at all the ways that I had sabotaged myself, afraid more of the success I could have than the miserable life I was existing in. I faced my demons and decided that when I returned to college in the fall of 2004, I would finish the degree I started even though I didn't want it anymore. It would be a gift to myself. I would finish something that was scary.

I was afraid to move too far ahead of my humble beginnings. My mother, a very bright woman, was married and pregnant when she graduated high school. Higher education was never part of the equation. My older siblings struggled with basic education so college was not part of their future plan. I was the shining hope and a lot sat on my shoulders. I didn't think I was up to the challenge or the honor so I made excuses on why I couldn't complete my education. Well, my mom is gone. The man I thought was my father is dead and he's not my father. My real father isn't a part of my life. My older sisters aren't a part of my life and my younger brother is proud of anything I do as are my kids. So here I am doing this for me. As it should be. I am so proud of having this degree. I got out of my own way and did it. How cool is that? I can't wait to see what I end up doing when I grow up. . .