Spring has sprung

My friend Lisa knew I was having a horrible time with Zach over the past few weeks so she brought me a bouquet of flowers. This picture is from that bouquet. I was practicing using the macro mode on my digital camera. I have a ways to go. This camera is complicated. I miss my Olympus SLR film camera. It was the easiest camera to use and I always got the picture I wanted. I was rarely disappointed. The only problem it had was a crappy on camera flash. The flash on my Fuji is actually pretty good. I can use it and get a better shot at times. On camera flashes don't usually enhance the photo but this one has it uses.

Zach

He's my sweet boy that keeps breaking my heart. The past two weeks have been the worst yet and we haven't even been to court for the arraignment. He's coming apart on me and I don't know how to hold him together. He has made every bad decision possible from lighting fires to being with friends who shoplift to running away. There's so much more but I don't want a laundry list of his misdeeds here. I want to help him so badly before he makes a choice that can't be undone. I have turned to every state agency that is suppose to be there for troubled kids and been turned away. I am scared to death that they will not act until he has hurt himself or someone else. I did finally scream loud enough to get DSS to secure a date for him to go into their Bridge Program. He starts next Thursday and DMH is going to have a respite spot for him on Monday but in the meantime, I am having to watch him like a hawk because every time he has left the house lately, he's been brought home by the police (who refuse to arrest him for some reason beyond my understanding). I love this child so much and worry that my love is not enough. It cannot keep him safe when he is spiraling out of control. He needs to be in a locked medical facility so his meds can be analyzed and adjusted as well as getting a definitive diagnosis but that can't happen without the cooperation of a Crisis Team. They claim he doesn't meet their guidelines. I'll sue them first if something happens that could have been prevented if they'd only listened to me.

School is winding down

Today was the last day of classes. Wow! This semester has flown by. I am amazed. I did my final critique in Photojournalism yesterday. I'm glad to have one final out of the way. I have three more to go. Art History is Monday, Critical Survey of Photography is Tuesday, and Basic Design II is Wednesday. They are spread out nicely.

The final for Design is a 3D assemblage project. I'm using a gutted computer monitor as my container. I had found one during my photo essay for my photojournalism project but my friend Michael threw it away last week when he was cleaning out my garage. He obviously didn't realize it was an art piece waiting to happen. :~) Thankfully I had a 10 year old monitor sitting in my art studio so Nicole started gutting it for me the other day. I have some great found objects that I'm going to use for the assemblage and I've done transfers of photos I've taken of urban decay that I'm going to use like wallpaper inside. I plan to have CD collages hang inside and have a light in the back (or on the bottom) to hopefully illuminate the back of the CD's and cast a cool glow within.

The other two finals are written so I will be studying this weekend. The Art History final includes a lot of paintings and sculpture that will have to be identified and there will be two comparison essays. They are tough but at least I know what to expect. Critical Survey is going to be a mystery. His tests to date have all been different. He gave me an A on the first response paper I submitted so I'm fairly confident that I come out with a decent grade overall. I have a good average so far. I will miss this semester and I will also be so glad when it's over.

Praying to the "Good Grade" Goddess...

Another Crisis

We ended up in the ER again. It's not where I wanted to be. He threatened to hurt himself but wasn't serious. I called the police because he went after his sister with the knife. I asked them to arrest him so I could show the world that he needs help. He was so mad at me. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But the police in their infinite wisdom decided he needed to go to the ER because there were marks on his neck. So once again I wasted an entire night sitting and waiting only to be told to take him home. No crisis here ma'am. In whose eyes??

This crisis counselor at least gave me more information on programs to insist DSS refer him to. They have residential treatment homes where Zach would get the help he needs and be forced to practice the coping skills so that he doesn't reach for a knife everytime the least little thing goes wrong. It would appear I'll be seeking for a lock box or a way to lock one of my cabinet or drawers so the knives remain off limits. I can't believe I'm living this way because of a 12 year old.

And the 17 year old is acting is like a 5 year old so this is just so much fun. Can a mother divorce her children?? She provokes him incessantly and then complains about how he treats her. Funny, he learned at her knee. She was so abusive to him when he was smaller than her. Now he's bigger and can fight back and she does not like it. Life as their mom is not what I bargained for most days.