Inner journey musings

I've suddenly realized this morning that up till recently I'd been living as though I was in a glass container that had a lid on so tight, nothing could get out. But something happened. It loosened. And it continued to get looser every time I was courageous enough to face a demon head on. That lid was my limitations; my "don't get too big for your britches", my "Who do you think you are?", my "Get your head out of the clouds".

One day, one ordinary day, I popped it off completely. That lid went flying and so did I. It was an awakening of monumental proportions. I was able to understand for the first time in my life that I had allowed others' fears and expectations to keep me small. I can be successful and humble too but that's not how I was raised. Successful people sell their souls for their success. I see now that it was jealousy and fear that perpetrated that lie on my family. We wanted what they had but we could feel smug and superior because WE worked hard for what we had. I see now, everyone does. Well mostly.

OK. The lid is gone. So now what do I do? Anything I want. I'm writing, I'm creating mixed-media art, and I'm taking photographs. I've gone from the numbers person to the artist. I like it so much better. I mean, it is really fun. I'm sharing my viewpoint of the world with anyone who will look or listen and I'm getting positive feedback. It amazes me. It angers me a little too. I wasted so many years pretending to be less than what I was so as to not upset the apple cart. I did not benefit from that at all. Wait a minute. That's not true. I kept the people in my life feeling safe and secure because I didn't soar too high above them and that kept them in my life, making me feel safe and secure which means I did benefit in some ways. So really my wish is that I could have had the self-confidence to know that they would have loved me anyway and my brave attempt at true success may have inspired them to do the same.

Marianne Williamson had it right; who are we to play small? It truly hurts us all. I won't again. I'm allowing myself the freedom and privilege to find my passions and explore them fully. I will allow them to take me to new heights and parachute be damned. I promise to wave as I soar on by.