This has been a shitty week so far. I went to court with Zach on Monday on the CHINS case for his truancy. Since he'd been suspended twice and missed or was late many days since we were there in January, I knew what we were facing. He had to go before the judge and admit he was a "CHild In Need Of Services" and that meant that legal custody of him would go to the Department of Social Services. I have physical custody however. So this is pretty bad, right? What does my son do? He's late to school the next day and then gets detention for insubordination. Ok. I'm trying to keep it together. Wednesday he tells me he's got another detention on Thursday. I'm thinking "Great - they are not going to like this." but little did I know how that day would unfold. I called home after my last class yesterday and Nicole told me that Zach was home when she got there so I'm panicking. He's going to get suspended for skipping detention. She put him on the phone and he advises me that he didn't serve the detention because he'd already been suspended. Lovely! Sure enough, I come home to find a message on the answering machine from the newly appointed case worker from DSS wanting to meet with me (he doesn't know yet) to go over the details of how this will work.
So what do I do now? His attitude sucks so bad. He refuses to accept the responsibility of his behavior at school. His view is that the Vice Prin. is out to get him. He didn't really do anything wrong. He's not getting it or he is and he's trying to play us. I can't get ahold of his father - naturally. I am so frustrated and don't have a clue what to do.
I'm juggling 4 classes, a part-time job, two full-time kids, and very messy house. My ex does not help with the kids at all and never has. My daughter is having surgery next week. My car is falling apart as are my joints so I'm in physical therapy. Something has to give and I don't know what that will be but I'm guessing it'll be Zach's residence.
Nicole's nervous about next week so Zach's crap is really stressing her out. She doesn't do stress well. She ends up aggravating him even more in her misguided attempts at helping him see the light and we end up in WWIII. That I haven't had a heart attack is such a blessing.
So I keep breathing as deeply as I can and putting my faith in a Divine Source that will lead us to the highest good for us all. Whatever comes of this will make us stronger. I have to believe.
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3 comments:
HOLY SHIT IS RIGHT!!! My gosh Kim..how are YOU doing? You just have to do what you have to do... I'm so sorry I had no idea you were going through so much stuff..as if your daily life isn't hard enough..throw in some more..crap...see if you can take this Kim...and this and this...and how about a little more?? Bless your heart..and I don't mean that in a sarcastic way. "still the Mother's power lives in the pretty lady flower"..not sure who wrote that..but it was in reference to a daughter losing her mother..and thought this might sooth your soul a little and help you realize your strength....Warm Hugs and much Love,Ruth
p.s. perhaps you should seek your inner Stella
Nancy Regan once said, "a woman is like a teabag. You don't know how strong she is, 'til you throw her into hot water"
Be strong, have tea. Will keep you in my thoughts.
Creative Blessings and White Light
Krystinkerbelle
Oh Kim, this feels too much, huh? And yet, here you are, you are surviving it, living it through until the day of peace comes. You are strong, woman, tough as an oak tree that survives the hurricane. I'm glad to here that you are having some trust in the greater good of it all, that in the end, things will be better. Of course, when you're going through the shit, it's hard to see anything but brown mud and feel stuck in it. I'm praying for you, for felt strength and peace, and praying that your child will understand that the consequences of his behavior are that he won't be living with you anymore, which, unfortunately, may be what he's trying to do, without realizing what that means. Does he understand what living in a state-run facility means? I'm also praying that your caseworker is a good person, not a by-the-book type but someone with compassion, who is really there to help support you in trying to help your child. I pray too, that whatever is hurting Zach so bad that he is trying with all his might to push those who love him away from him will experience some kind of healing, some kind of easing, so that he can see a little clearer now, with a little more peace, instead of reacting like a tornado.
You are a good mother, a stressed one, and a good one, and I hope that you can find a quiet moment of stillness and peace each day, to help carry you through this. You are amazing, beautiful and true, woman.
Kristina from AV
"What are Raphael's Madonnas but the shadow of a mother's love, fixed in permanent outline forever?" ~Thomas Wentworth Higginson
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