Introspection

I have been spending a lot of time with a software program called the Wild Divine/Wisdom Quest. It was put together by Deepak Chopra and offers instruction on energy control and meditation breathing. It's also a phenomenal way to relax. Nicole and I have been fighting over it because we both love it so much. I bought it as a Yule gift for myself and I'm thrilled that she got so much benefit from it. She was really stressed at school last semester so what she's learned from it will help her this spring. I highly recommend it to anyone with an interest in learning to truly relax at your core. It is a spiritual experience not soon forgotten.

Classes

I finally got ahold of my advisor this week. She wasn't able to get me into the class I need to retake and to make it even better, she can't get me back into the one I dropped to make room for it. Lesson learned - don't jump the gun on dropping classes until you know you can get into the other one. I hope it's offered over the summer or my fall schedule is going to be really messed up. I can't move forward without this class. I sending prayers to the college Goddess.

Grades

I found out that I got a C- in my Making Ideas Visible class. That means I have to repeat it. I'm a bit more than disappointed but because I want to be a great graphic designer, I'm taking it on the chin. Getting my MFA is really important to me and if I have to repeat the class to do so, I will. I'm not turning tail and running from it.

It's a really uncomfortable place to be though. I have always had really good grades so this hits me deep. I was going through so much on an emotional level this semester so I'm keeping that in mind. I don't want to make this a failure but an opportunity to learn more. Here's hoping.

Imagination

This came to me in an email this morning. It seemed so profound because I feel like my imagination has left me as of late. I want my creativity back. The stress of daily life has eroded it and I need it. So that means finding a way to dispel all the stress I'm feeling. That means going back to daily meditation.

The semester is over!

The semester is over and now I await my final grades. I feel fairly confident that I passed the Type Forms class but I'm cutting it really close with Making Ideas Visible. I worked my ass off this past week or two redoing my virtual catalog for that class and even print, bound, and shipped it twice. I made changes after expressing it out on Monday so I did again on Tuesday. In my haste, I forgot to take pictures of either and of course, we have to post them as one of our last assignments. If I get a C, I'll pass so I'm saying a prayer to the Goddess. I do not want to pay $2400 to take it again.

Grad school is expensive and so much work but I'm so glad I'm doing it. I've already learned more than I could have imagined and it's just going to get better as I get further into the program. In the end, I'll have an MFA and will be so proud of myself. So prayers are welcome for a passing grade!

It snowed in the Berkshires!

I had to get Nicole on Tuesday for appts. here so I drove to North Adams to get her and then came back here for the two visits she had. We hit the mall before we headed back to MCLA. On the Mohawk Trail, somewhere around the Charlemont/Savoy town lines, the rain that had been pelting us all day turned into snow - on October 29th! I couldn't believe it. By the time I turned back toward home, there was about an inch accumulated up in the mountains. I was so surprised and have now decided I will not be moving to the Berkshires. I'm not going anywhere that has snow before Halloween. I think Nicole is beginning to rethink her college choice too. 

Musings

Writing gives me such pleasure but one that I don’t indulge in often enough. My soul aches for the words it does not share, the stories it does not tell. How might I bring these to life when my daily activities don’t give me the time to think, breathe, and write? I want my summer by the sea where I can get lost in the words while I take in the beauty, sounds, and smells of the ocean. How can I wax philosophical when all I have time for is laundry? And I whine whilst I waste precious moments sitting in front of the boob tube. Is it that I don’t have the time or the true passion? It’s probably a little of both.

I also think it’s a fear of failure. I worry that what I write will not be well-received or understood. I doubt my own talent at times. I know that I ache for it so maybe it’s time to write with only me as the audience. I don’t have to share and if I do, it can be with a trusted group of friends that will act as sounding boards, not harsh critics.

It's today

She's leaving today. In about 2/3 hours I will pull out of my driveway with my daughter. She'll be starting a whole new chapter of her life. I'm excited, worried, happy, scared, etc. 

I'm really glad she's taking this opportunity and running with it and I know she's going to be amazingly successful. But will Mom be able to let her baby go?? Stay tuned. . .

One week left

I have one week left with my beautiful daughter. She's off to college and is anxious to go. I'm happy for her and I know it's time for us to separate.

This past week has been good as well as difficult. I bought a new car on Monday: 2008 Nissan Altima. I am so happy with it. It's an awesome car. But on Wednesday, my washer died mid-load. Now I have to buy a new washer. I went looking today and found a few options ranging from $350 to $600 roughly. I'm thinking I will go for the higher end because those are the front loading washer and they save so much on water, electricity, and the cost of drying the clothes. It'll save me more in the long run than the lower priced machines.

Meanwhile, my son is becoming highly obnoxious again. I am so ready for him to move out but he's only 14. Mothering shouldn't have to be so hard. I'm just so tired of all his crap. I'll leave it at that.

College is coming

Nicole is leaving two weeks from today for college. I'm both excited and apprehensive. She's my first baby. How can she possibly be old enough to leave home? Ah, but she is. I think I'm ready. I know she is. So is Zach.

My classes start just after Labor Day. I will officially be a grad student, working toward a MFA in Graphic design. Again, I'm both excited and apprehensive. What if I suck?? I'm breathing through the panic.

The good news/bad news for the past week or two is that I had an accident that I was at fault in. It was just a fender bender for the guy I hit. My car on the other hand got crunched. I don't have collision coverage on my insurance because the car is 11 years old. So. . . I'm getting a new car. I am going to lease a 2008 Nissan Altima. Still excited and apprehensive. I haven't had a car payment in 5 years. It's going to be an adjustment but well worth it. It's time I had a reliable car again. Prizmata has seen her better days leave and now she needs a rest. I should be picking it up tomorrow afternoon. Only one problem - I can't find the title to my car and I'm using it as a trade on the Altima. Hopefully they'll wait for the replacement.