I'm a jumble of emotions. The manager of the home where Zach's is living right now told me that he's not doing very well. In fact, he's showing them all the same behavior that I was seeing. I thought it was just at home but I was wrong.
The hard part is dealing with the idea that he may not be coming home and the mixed emotions I have around that. I hadn't talked to him for a few days because of the conference I was working and participating in over the weekend so when we connected Sunday, I was overwhelmed. I didn't realize how much I missed him. When we hung up, I burst into tears.
I'm really having to grasp that my son may not live with me for a long time. I thought that it was what I wanted when he was here, with behavior I couldn't handle. Now that it's a real possibility, I'm blown away by the idea of it. I want what's best for him, though. If that means that he has to live in a group home with 24/7 supervision and male counselors, then that's what I will advocate for. My needs are secondary in this.
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