Falling Snow

The snow fell gently to Earth
Blanketing everything it touched
Making new the landscape
Covering blemishes in white

The world was made new
The ugliness buried
Hope was ignited
Beauty exploded into being

A blank canvas existed
Possibilities bloomed
Heaven fell to Earth
Bringing wonder and awe

Parenting & college

Zach is giving me a run for my money. He's been home more since the mugging and his last suspension but now he's hanging with a new bunch of guys that I don't know. I'm a little worried. They seem like good kids but I also think they may be smoking pot. I have to keep my eyes open and be vigilant. I know what he's capable of and I so want my brilliant son to live up to his abilities. He's so smart and talented. I would hate to see him waste that on drugs.

School is winding down for the semester but that means projects and papers that are due as well as tests. I'm so stressed. I signed up for 6 classes next semester and I am really rethinking that idea. I wanted to graduate in December of next year but I may just extend my education one more semester so I don't lose my mind. I want it to be over but 6 months more won't delay my career by too much.

School is nearing the end

I've discovered that I can graduate after two more semesters. I am so excited. I'm worried about a couple of classes that I took at HCC so I've emailed the Registrar's office to be sure that they will be taken as core classes at WSC. As long as they are, I'm golden and I'm looking forward to the end. Well, it will be the end of my Bachelor's. I may go on to graduate school. That's still up in the air but I can do that part time while I'm working and I can take a little time off from school before I decide. Still, the end is in sight.

Autumn craziness

School is going fast & furious. I do not recommend taking three literature classes in the same semester. It is not easy. I am reading constantly. Plus I'm taking 4 art classes, although 3 of them only meet for one hour a week. They have a lot of homework though. I have to create an animation and a multimedia presentation. Each needs to be at least 30 seconds long up to 5 minutes. The other two classes are Photoshop and Painting 1. We're working on cubism in painting so that's fun. I love Photoshop so no issues there. I'm just so much busier than I thought I'd be. Plus I'm working 2 on-campus jobs, taking care of 2 kids, 3 cats, a house, and now a boyfriend. Is it any wonder I'm not sleeping? I am looking forward to winter break.

Summer's winding down

Nicole graduated last week from the Summer Scholar Program at my college. She lived on campus for 5 weeks. It was a wonderful experience for her. My online class, African Art, ends today. It was really interesting to research artists that aren't included in the standard art history books. I love the work of Robert Duncanson and Edmonia Lewis as well as others. I'm glad I took the class.

The kids are back to school on the 30th and my classes start the week after. I'm hoping to move around a few things so I can take a couple more classes. I'm scheduled for 4 right now and may go up to 6. I really want to graduate in December 2008. I'm getting ready for the real world and working as a graphic designer. I've been doing some design work this summer in my job in the Center for Instructional Technology. I've updated a lot of their publications and created their wall calendar. It's been fun. I really want to do this.

Namaste

Never worry about tomorrow
Always living for the future
Make today your focus
Allowing yourself to be here now
Settle into this moment
Thrilled to be alive
Ever knowing you are Divine

Copyright 2007
Kim Gelinas

Family

I cry for all that I never had
I mourn for ties that never were
A family lost in dysfunction
Unable to concur

Opportunities for lasting love
For deep, abiding friendships
Connections never created
Instead jokes, fights, quips

Death removed possibilities
Chances lost for good
Hope springs eternal with
Coulda, woulda, should

Her spirit lives inside us
As does her faults and flaws
Sisters unable to bridge the distance
Unable to sheath their claws

Loss should have pulled us together
But instead it drove us apart
Mom's lasting legacy
Sisters who never talk

Kim Gelinas
copyright 2007

Scrolls and Roses

Summer

My epiphany

Sometimes I feel like I'm really slow on the uptake. After being an art student for years and a practioner of meditation (including chakra work), it has just occurred to me that the colors of the chakras follow the color wheel. I had not ever made that connection before today. I was listening to a chakra meditation that I found on YouTube and in my mind's eye, I was flowing along the color wheel, beginning at red. I had made the connection between my chakras and my art. An appropriate epiphany as I start a painting class today. Talk about a lightbulb moment (energy efficient one of course).

Fairy & Flowers

Copyright 2007 Kim Gelinas

Angel

copyright 2007 Kim Gelinas

My date

I did it and I survived. I went on my first date in 21 years. Holy s**t! It was ok. I was nervous but I managed to keep the panic to a minimum. He's a nice man. I'm not feeling lots of bells and whistles but it was a pleasant evening. We ate at the 99 restaurant in a town midway between us. He lives in CT and I live in MA so we met at the border. The problem is that I can still only eat small amounts at a time because of the surgery. I didn't tell him about it so he was surprised at how little I ate. Here I am last night.

Monumental Day

I'm going on my first first date in almost 21 years. OH MY GOD!! I meant him online and we've spoken on the phone a few times. He seems nice so I'm being brave. We're having dinner tonight. I have to run out and buy pants to wear. The pair I was thinking of are too big now (not exactly a bummer). I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. It's going to be fine, right?????? I feel like a teenager again.

Rites of Passage

Nicole has now taken the SAT's. My baby is fast approaching true adulthood. I mean, she's already 18 but is still in high school so I can hold on to her for a little while longer. She took a college course last semester as part of the Early Admissions program and will take two more this coming academic year. She's also applied to my school for their Summer Scholar program. It would give her the chance to spend 5-6 weeks on campus, taking two classes and learning what college life is like. It feels like I just brought her home from the hospital a few months ago and she's taking college classes now. How is that possible?? I am going to have to learn to let go, I guess.

I'm a new Patriot

Here's yesterday's collage

First week

Zach's been home for almost a week now. It's going great. It feels good to have my family together. I'm so glad he's here.

I've been playing with Photoshop Elements a lot. Now that I know what I'm doing (well, mostly), I love putting digital collages together. When Blogger lets me upload pictures, I'll post a few.

Summer work

I had an interview this morning. I start a new job Monday morning. I'm going to be working in the CIT Dept. at the college. I'll be working on web design and projects like it. I'm so excited. It's going to be such a good experience.

Nicole is applying for the college's Summer Scholar Program. They extended the deadline until the 25th. She'll be able to take two college classes while living on campus four days a week for five weeks as well as getting experience staying in the dorms. College life but for a shorter time frame. What a wonderful way to see what it will be like before the time comes. I wish it had been available to me when I was her age.

Zach's home next week. He's on restriction today so I have to stand behind the program's discipline so he can come home this afternoon. He'll be so relieved. We have our last family therapy session at 4PM. I'm glad it's over. I'm so tired of being involved in multiple therapies each week. I'm looking forward to having my baby home and enjoying some down time this summer. Of course, my new job will put a damper on that but I'll do my best to find time for me.

What If . . .

I was listening to a guided meditation and needless to say, my mind wandered every now and then. It wandered to my biological father as the meditation suggested a letting go. The teacher meant allowing tension to be let go in the body but my mind went to emotional encumbrances that I wanted to let go of. I thought of Bill's abandonment of me and how I wished to heal that pain. Later, my mind went to the "what if's" in my life and I thought of writing on those. There are so many. I've spent so much of my life, living in the past, with the "what if's". I choose now to live in today. The "what if's" are such a trap. They are a bludgeoning tool that I have used against myself again and again.

I mean really, the "What if" I had chosen college A instead of college B, or "What if" I had married Him instead of hiM? Do any of us really think we can alter the past? Do we think we can make anything better by replaying our choices, good or bad, over and over again? I think not. I think we are wise enough to "know" that it's a useless activity. And yet, we continue. I wish I knew why. I hope to explore it more so that I can free myself from this time-consuming and painful pasttime. I didn't marry Him - I married hiM. My kids are who they are because of that choice. Would I change it if I could? Doubtful.

Classes are over

Today was the last day of classes for this semester. I am so relieved although I'd be feeling more relaxed if I hadn't bombed my Computer Programming final. I'll be lucky to get a 60 on it. I drew a complete blank on two of the five programming problems. I wrote what I could but the crucial piece of both eluded me. Thank Goddess I have good grades on the homework and the two previous tests. That'll save my grade for the semester. I need to keep a 3.5 GPA if I want to remain in Phi Kappa Phi and I do. I'd like to graduate with honors.

I was able to sign up for Painting 1 this summer so I can now sign up for Printmaking in the fall. All my classes are on mostly Mondays so if I had Painting and Printmaking, I would have been in classes from 8:15AM to 10:30PM that day. Now I don't have to be on campus until 10:25AM. It will still be a 12 hour day but Wed. & Fri. will only be 2 hours each. Nice! I am going to have Tuesdays and Thursdays off so the semester shouldn't be too bad.

I did find out I got an A in my Women Studies in Religion class and I'm expecting A's in Computer Graphics and Electronic Publication & Design. It was a good semester.

I have been tagged

I've been tagged so here are 7 interesting things about me:

1. I love, love, love potato chips!
2. I love, love, love how brilliant my kids are.
3. I am a school geek - I love being back in college and I think the younger generation hates how enthusiastic I am about my classes.
4. I am (deep shame) hopeless addicted to soap operas.
5. I drive fast (love it!) but safely.
6. I always wanted to be a professional singer.
7. I love to meditate.

I was tagged by Lauri, the Enchantress of the Tulips. Who will I tag???

Here is a little prayer for today

I open the windows wide and take a deep breath, filling myself with the winds of change that are blowing even now across my life. I feel the bracing energy in these changes and welcome them into my life, to energize and charge me, to empower me.

I ask to be filled with complete belief in myself, in who I am and what I can do. I ask to be filled with courage and creativity, to free the flow of my creativity and allow it to ride the currents of the new winds that blow. I ask that I may be filled with love completely, love of myself, love of life, love for the energy that flows around me.

I am a part of what is new. I am a part of the bracing energy that flows and is. I am power and love. I am.

This is from Quado.com. I get a weekly email from her and I loved this prayer.

Jesus Land

My class on Women's Studies in Religion required we read this book. It is a powerful story of how the evangelical can be cruel to their children. The author was sent to a "Christian" reform school with her adopted brother where they were treated like slaves. This school is still open. It's scary that it is allowed to physically and emotionally hurt teenagers without government intervention.

The truly scary part was the similarities I could see to the program my son is in. I'm am so anxious to get him home. He's not being abused but he's not allowed to voice his own opinions or to stand up for himself against false accusations by the staff members. If he opens his mouth, he's immediately put on restriction for a day or two. I've been able to tell them how wrong I feel that is but to no avail. My opinion is not taken into consideration. They have their rules and I am out of the loop so to speak because DSS has custody of him. What I see as the same is the need to strip these adolescents of their individuality.

I feel that our culture, especially the public school system, propagates this. They work to make all the pegs round to fit any hole. My children are very definately square and don't fit those holes. I am so proud of them. They are unique; Nicole more so than Zach. Zach is more social so fitting in is more important to him but he still wants to be his own person. They are going to be amazing adults. I'm so fortunate to be their mother and I'm looking forward to watching them grow and mature. I know each will make their mark on this world.

Saturday morning musings

It's a beautiful sunny spring day after a Nor'easter storm that never materialized. I'm glad. I wasn't in the mood for shoveling. It was an easy winter that way. My global consciousness side was not happy about that but my tired, New England self was glad. It's a dichotomy that I struggle with. Maybe I should move to a warmer climate and then I can bitch about how warm the winters are becoming without guilt. The kids and I have been talking moving to the San Francisco area. Me for the spiritual and artistic community, the kids for the educational opportunities. Do we have the courage to follow through? It's not a question that I have to answer until I graduate so I've some time to contemplate it.

I am now a senior now but I have about 18 classes to take before I graduate. Thankfully most of them are art classes (computer and studio) so they will be fun at least. I'm hoping to take painting and pottery this summer. It'll depend on financial aid. It'll help me finish sooner if I can. I will be trying to take classes during summer and winter sessions. I love college but I am getting ready for it to be done. I've been taking classes since Sept. 2004 and I am not going to graduate until May 2009 so it's a long bachelor's degree. But so worth it. I am enjoying my computer art classes so much so I know I made the right choice of majors. Photoshop is so cool and so is Illustrator. I love playing in them. I just learned how to merge parts of photos together and how to alter the elements of a photograph. I found a website with screen shots from different Myst games so I downloaded a couple and put Nicole in them. It's fun!

In other aspects of my life, I have now lost 82 pounds!! I feel so much better. Only one little problem; sagging skin. I worried about this before the surgery and was hopeful that it would be horrible. Well, it's not horrible but it's not pretty either. My lower abdomen is looking pretty sad. I don't know if my insurance will take care of a tummy tuck. Unless my surgeon can find a medical reason. I see him in June so I'll find out then. I'm not sure I want another surgery but I want to look as good as I feel. Can they do that to my thighs and upper arms?? I'm sure they could but I'm really sure that the insurance won't cover those. I'm healthier - that's all that really matters at this point. It's just my vanity.

I'm off to work at the campus art gallery today. The artist, Ronald Trent Anderson, will be taking down his pieces when we close. I love meeting local artists as well as being in an atmosphere of art culture. It's the best way to earn money. Well, selling my art would be better but I'll take this for now.

The start of spring

It's the beginning of spring. Lisa's birthday is tomorrow and Nicole is at Peace Jam this weekend. Zach and I are just hanging out. I've got a QBasic test on Monday so I should be studying for it. I was sick all week and missed every day except last Monday. I have a lot to catch up on. I want to do really well on the test because I know I've missed more than the alloted amount of classes for that professor and need to keep my grade up. I've got an A average right now and want to keep it there. I was just invited to join Phi Theta Phi, an honor society for 4 year colleges so I really have to keep the GPA steady.

I'm being so lazy today. I should be doing housework and I don't want to. I got up early to take Niki to her school so she could meet the other people going to Peace Jam. So I can pretend I'm tired. I really am but I'm just being lazy. That's what I love about Saturdays.

I bought Wild Divine yesterday and couldn't install it on my Gateway. It doesn't seem to work with Windows Vista. I had Nicole install it on our Compaq and it's working ok. It does lag when you click to move within the "journey" of the program. The graphics are amazing and the tasks seem to really involve breathe work and lowering your heart rate. I'm going to enjoy using it.

Ah . . . life

I have me a new laptop computer, a Gateway. I can be online whenever I want and I can write whenever I want. So am I? Sort of. I haven't been writing. I actually bought it because Zach is home more often now and it's tough sharing one computer with three people. Nicole is going to buy a laptop too. So we'll all have a computer at our disposal. I like the idea of being able to journal on a computer. Paper and pen doesn't seem to work for me. I'd like to start working on more computer art as well. My classes in graphic design software are going really well and I'm really enjoying them. Computer Graphics is starting on Photoshop this week. Finally!

The kids are downstairs, having a great time. I can hear them singing and laughing. What a wonderful sound to have floating upwards. They are getting along so well lately. I feel like we are a healthy, happy family. Life is good.

We joined a gym a week ago. It's been surprisingly fun. I'm really enjoying the feeling I get after working out. I love seeing the definition my muscles are starting to get. The kids love it too. Ah . . . life. It just keeps getting better.

Life

I'm always amazed at how fast life comes at me. You'd think after 46 years, I'd have gotten used to it. Zach is coming home soon and is spending a lot more time here now. I'm having a difficult time readjusting. He's not doing anything wrong, I'm just really missing the quiet calm that Nicole and I had created for ourselves. She doesn't go away for the weekends anymore either so I'm "Mom" every minute of everyday now and I'm tired. If only I had a co-parent I could count on.

I feel guilty for whining because a friend's (Janet) daughter (Aimee - beautiful 22 yr old college student) has been in the hospital since early November with some strange unknown illness that caused her brain to swell. She's recovering and is actually working with physical therapists now to regain her strength and mobility. It's a reminder of how precious our children even as they move toward adulthood. Janet's best friend, Carol, has a 21 yr. old son (Mike) with severe epilepsy. He's been in a Boston hospital for over 2 years now and I don't think he's ever coming home. Both situations help me to remain grateful for my childrens' health. My childrens' disabilities don't seem so overwhelming when I think of what other parents are going through close by and around the world.

So today I'm sending out healing prayers for all the sick children and their scared parents. I hope the world will join me. The power of collective positive thoughts is unstoppable.

Namaste!

Zach update

We had a team meeting Thursday for Zach at the residential program that he's in. We discussed his progress as well as the plans for his future. He's done so well and everyone involved is really pleased, myself included. His grades are straight A's and he's stayed out of trouble in the program and at school since last October. When he's home, he's trying very hard to be cooperative and understanding. And he's succeeding. He and Nicole are getting along so much better. They are sharing the computer fairly well but I still hope to get a new one that is connected to the internet so that it will be easier for all of us when we need to be online. Right now, I'm relegated to early mornings and with my college classes, that is not always enough. They are each taking a block of time and then switching. I think that will ease up when Zach is home for good because he'll have much more freedom so he'll be off with friends. At this time, he's not allowed to leave my presence so friends have to come here.

Anyway, his home date is Memorial Day weekend. In the meantime, he'll stay longer on the weekends, coming home on Fridays and not returning until Monday night. We're planning to have him be here for the entire spring vacation from school in April.

Speaking of spring breaks, mine is only one week away. I am so needing a week off. Classes are going well and I start a work study job on Monday. I'll be organizing and cleaning the printmaking and painting studios on campus. Every once in a while, I'll fill in at the campus art gallery. I'm not sure I want to be cleaning anything (housework is not my forte) but I need the money and the job helps me qualify as a working disabled adult for state help with my medical bills. Medicare only covers so much so I need their help. I'm going to keep a positive attitude about it.

Strong emotions

I watched a foreign movie yesterday entitled "Osama". Nope - not about Bin Laden. Although it was set in Afghanistan and was about his buddies, The Taliban. It was about a woman trying to feed her mother, her daughter, and herself in a world where women aren't allowed to work or speak to anyone outside their families or go out without a male companion. She has her daughter dress like a boy so she can work. The daughter (who is called Osama as a boy) gets dragged off to the boys school and is forced to "learn" how to bathe her male genitals (hidden behind a piece of fabric). Later she gets stuck in a tree after the boys tease her because they believe she's a girl. The teacher hangs her inside a well from the back of her tunic. When they bring her up, they see that she's started her cycle and discover that she's a girl. She's thrown in prison with all the other "bad" women. In the end the headmaster of the school pleads for her life (yes, they would have killed her) and as a reward, the judge gives her to the headmaster as a wife. The movie ends after he comes home, has her pick out her own lock (the women are locked in their rooms each night and in the house all day), and then forces the wedding night on her.

My heart was broken because I knew how real this was. I've become more and more aware of the pain that women in this world suffer at the hands of ignorant men; men who have been taught by tradition and/or religion that women are not their equals. I feel so impotent to make a difference but I feel I must try. I don't know how yet but I know I must do something. Since I began my study of photography, I've known that I wanted to use it to bring light to those who are suffering. My concentration at first was in Africa. I want to go to the Congo, Rwanda, Somalia, etc. so that I can show the world what is happening. Now I see that it's everywhere. Will photography be enough? I don't know. I will be meditating on this so I can find the answer for my soul. Women who are oppressed need to understand that others care and are willing to help.

Weekends

Zach's coming home for the weekend. We've had overnight visits for a few weeks now. They are going ok. It's been hard on Nicole though. She's used to the quiet that we've had for the past 8 months and now a noisy 13 yr. old is in her space again. It's going to be an adjustment for her. She and I spend a lot more time together while he's home. I think she uses my room as a refuge from the noise and mess. We all start family therapy next week so I'm hoping we can begin to find ways of peacefully coexisting in our home. I know we all need to compromise in order to make this work. And I so want it to work. I miss my boy.

New musings

Well, school is underway and things are going quite well. Until the power surge yesterday that is. First I saved a computer file onto my flash drive during my Computer Graphics class. I brought it home and worked on it over the weekend in a trial version of the software. What I downloaded was 2 versions ahead of the school's so the file wouldn't open when I got there. Then, I started from scratch and was doing so much better than the first attempt. It's Corel Draw and I'm not familiar with it plus we're copying a picture of a train engine (not easy). So I take break half way through class and save my file to the desktop. I come back and start to work again and boom - there goes the power. When I finally got my computer turned back on (had to unplug it before it would cooperate), the file was gone. The school has them set up to wipe out any files not installed by them when the computer is rebooted. Oh, lucky day. So here I am with nothing and it's 20 minutes before the class ends. Thankfully, the prof. saw me working and knows what I had done. But still. :~(

Nicole is loving her college class. She's taking Music Fundamentals which teaches how to read and write sheet music. Zach is taking a class back at the mainstream school and he is loving it too. Unfortunately he has a crappy reputation and some guys caused some crap for him already but it was straightened out with the vice principal. So school is good for all of us.

My weight is slipping away. I'm under 180 pounds. I haven't been this low since my pregnancy with Zach. I'm so excited and I feel so good. I ran into friends at a fundraiser a week ago and they hadn't seen me in 8 - 10 months (i.e., before the surgery). They couldn't believe the difference. I look good. I haven't felt that I did in a long time. Life is getting better and better.

New photos

This past fall, I was signed up to do an independent study in photography of landscapes. It was to be self-directed. I found it impossible to get into the darkroom to develop film or make prints so I dropped it. I finally went to a local camera shop and dropped of 7 rolls of film to be processed that I had shot in hopes of completing the study. I picked them up this weekend. A few of the shots really blew me away. I was using two different cameras; a standard 35mm SLR by Olympus and an antique medium format camera by Yashica. The photo to the left is from the Yashica. A friend of mine has a vacation home on Mason Island which is off the coast of Mystic, CT. She walks a lot on Elder Island (which is next to Mason) at a monastic retreat. The place is absolutely beautiful. A lot of the shots I took there came out fabulous. I am really happy with the results and wish I had taken the time to work them myself. I now have 5" x 5" prints instead of 10" x 10" which I would prefer. This one is a covered patio on the grounds of the monastery. I loved the look of the table and chairs and the shading. More photos can be found at http://community.webshots.com/user/kimmer60 along with hundreds of other pictures of local areas and my artwork. I hope you have a chance to stop by.

New Year's Eve in NoHo

Nicole, Lisa, and I spent a few hours last night in Northampton for the First Night Celebration. We walked all over the place and did a lot of window shopping. At 6:15PM, the city started the fireworks display. We weren't in the best location for viewing but we got the gist of it. I took a lot of photos but with my film camera instead of my digital. When the photos are developed and if they look good, I'll post a few. It was so fun to do something out of the ordinary. I haven't been out on New Year's Eve in probably close to 20 years. We were home early but I felt like I'd celebrated a little. It felt good. Lisa loved it. She's not that familiar with Northampton so it was quite the experience for her. She's a very traditional person and Northampton is anything but (which is one of the reasons Nicole and I like it so much).

I really want to move there. Last night was like walking in Greenwich Village. The atmosphere is similar and the streets were full of people. So many of the theaters were open and having performances plus we came across numerous street performers. One group was doing a stomp dance. That was so cool. I hope those photos come out. I took pictures of a man playing a steel drum too. His music was so good. We also listened to a man with sax playing Auld Lang Syne. The air was cool but without a breeze so it was tolerable. We had a really good time. Northampton is where I want to be.

Happy New Year!

I am sitting here on New Years Day in New England without a flake of snow anywhere. It's raining, not snowing. Global warming has become really apparent to me lately. We've only had one little flurry of flakes so far. This is not normal. The temperature has been much higher than usual too. I think it's time for action. I'm trying to do what I can to reduce, reuse, and recycle. I'm driving a small car but it's gas mileage isn't what I want. Unfortunately, I can't afford to buy a new vehicle right now but when I do, I'm going for a hybrid. After watching Al Gore's documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth", I feel compelled to do something. If we don't, I will one day have ocean front property. Now it's not that I don't want a beach house, it's that I don't want it in Western Massachusetts. I'd hate to see Connecticut and Rhode Island wiped off the map by polar cap melting.

Speaking of other movies that raise our consciousness, I am in love with "The Secret". I've been attuned to this idea for a while now and this movie brought it home for me. I am working to be more mindful of the ideas and thoughts I allow to head out into the Universe. I like "What the Bleep Do We Know" too. I was watching that last night when I feel asleep (before midnight). The piece about Mr. Masaru Emoto's work with water crystals is amazing. I've taped a piece of paper to my Brita pitcher that says my favorite word: NAMASTE. I read an interview with him in the latest issue of Science of Mind. He talked about exposing water to that word and how beautiful the crystals were afterward. In the movie, one character says something to Marlee Matlin's about if words can do that to one crystal, imagine what it could do to the human body that is 70% (or more) water. Later after ranting at herself and saying hateful things about her own body, she remembers and then takes a makeup pencil so she can write loving things on herself and draw hearts. It was a powerful image and idea.

So my wish for the world is an awakening; awakening to the love that surrounds us and the beauty the world holds. I pray that we all remember we are ONE. With an open heart and mind, we can see past the differences and be united by the similarities. This is my one true dream for humanity.